


The Only Light is Fire

by heartbeathurtsnomore



Category: Heroes (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:30:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbeathurtsnomore/pseuds/heartbeathurtsnomore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>***AU of I am Become Death***</p><p>The world was nothing now but shards of a war that was quickly growing in the wake of synthetic abilities sweeping through the world. Struggling through his guilt and his past, Gabriel Gray finds himself a pawn used for both sides, allowing the war to touch the only safe haven he has left. Claire is left a remnant of the girl she once was, dealing in darkness as she sets out through her own purgatory- maybe the only way to survive Hell is by going through the flames.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

He used to be a Company Man.

He remembers being one, saving Bennet's life more times than he can count. But it was Noah who had ultimately saved his life, helping him through the throes of darkness that had long since held him captive. Those first few days being his partner had been hard but eventually it became easier, even with the knowledge that Bennet was willing to send him into a black hole that would have killed him for good. But those days had given him purpose, something to strive for. The real breakthrough had been when Gabriel had found he wasn't Angela's son, when he had realized the truth and had nearly lost the composure that he had struggled to keep bottled up. But the war wasn't over, Arthur was still out there and being a pawn in a hopeless cause was better than being on the other side. So he had accepted it, begrudgingly, knowing that he had stayed because Bennet was there. Of course the path to forgiveness was much longer than that.

And now he carried Bennet's death on his shoulders like a weight of guilt he could never get rid of.

Just like Elle's.

His eyes closed and he shook his head, not wanting to remind himself of the chill that ran through his spine whenever he thought of how he had been so helpless in the face of her death. Cradling her body in the morning, feeling the dried blood against his own body. She couldn't cling to him, she couldn't tell him it wasn't his fault. He had been sleeping, the silencer not allowing much to be heard. But his son, his baby son, still alive in spite of the blood staining his shirt as well. He had regenerated. Gabriel had always wondered about his son's abilities. He had protected himself but Elle hadn't had that chance and he had failed her.

He had wondered if she had known just how much he loved her, just how much he had forgiven what she had struggled to let go of- and how the containment of his own darkness had also been for her, not just for their son, but for her as well. She was dead though and bringing her back was hardly something that could be possible. Dead. Just like everyone else he had come to care about- everyone else who got too close.

Now he was removed from the war. Sometimes his home became a safe haven for those that needed protection, those the government deemed rebels because of their acts against the overwhelming amount of released synthetic abilities. Things were getting dangerous and Gabriel couldn’t imagine reverting to being that monster that he had once been- even if he was still going to be paying the price. Paying the price for the rest of his life, but he held on, grip becoming pale. All for his son, all for the name of the people who had died because of him, because of the lack of his ability to save them. 

Peter had told him once that heroes didn’t save anyone- that there weren’t any heroes anymore. Gabriel hated the helplessness that came with those words. Hated that he had been one chip in the growing hope that Peter could make a difference. Pushing him at Kirby Plaza, attacking Claire, nearly killing everything that had ever mattered to Peter. But here he was, a scarred remnant of a man that had once dreamed of hope and making a difference. A scarred remain of the debris that had been left over when Pinehearst swept through the nation. They were brothers, if not in name than in the very bond that had somehow formed during the time that they had known one another. He knew his son, there were always pictures of Uncle Peter drawn out, hung up- the scar was always included. How could it not be? It was apart of him now, in some distant and strange way. Peter was the one left scarred and it didn’t seem right. Noah had sent him here to be protected, that was when Elle had still been alive and the world had felt somewhat alright- even with the world raging outside the way it was.

But now things were slowly changing, becoming a darker shadow than the one they were previously entangled in. Gabriel allowed it to touch his home though in the form of Claire Bennet and he couldn’t even forgive himself for it. Why she always came he wasn’t sure. She hated him, she had made that clear so many times. She wanted to know where Peter was and maybe that was the real reason for the way they ended up alone together every time, her body entangled with his own and the roughness of her kiss pressed firmly to his lips. Maybe she was trying to draw information out but he wouldn’t give up where it was that Peter hid out. He wouldn’t sell out the one remaining person, besides his son, that was still living, that still saw him as human. 

A low breath parted from his lips as he finally lifted his eyes to the reflection in front of him. The dim bathroom light whispering across his dampened features that he studied from behind the lens of his glasses. Gabriel Gray was still insignificant and although it tore through him with anger to know that he kept it beneath the surface, for his son, for the last remaining good part of this world. He was still that monster writhing within the shadows, he was just being contained- long enough to become human. If that was even possible anymore. In a world where Peter and Claire became the scarred artifacts of the past how did Gabriel stand a chance to be anything other than what he had been? Anything other than being Sylar? As he had always been for as long as he could remember.

Turning his eyes away he moved from the mirror and opened the door, leaning in the doorway as he watched the light from outside whisper off Claire’s body. He could still feel the sharp indentations that her nails had made in his skin, quickly healing over and the way her breath had picked up so close to his ear. She hardly ever looked at him but she let him feel- god did she ever. There was never a time she wasn’t willing, guiding his hand between her legs as she bit down on his shoulder to keep her voice down, careful not to wake the sleeping boy in the other room. She never acknowledged that they were in her old home, she never mentioned anything other than a glare his way and sometimes she told him she hated him, sweeping the hair off his forehead and she would laugh a little. An emotion that was so far removed from the features of her face that he often wondered if she even remembered the emotion. She was broken in, the world had made sure of that. Darkness had clouded her sense of judgment. She was hell bent on revenge and she was exacting it towards Peter. Perhaps it had happened when she had failed to stop Arthur from taking the Catalyst, maybe it had happened when she took Nathan’s side, in some small betrayal to Noah. Maybe she was angry that Noah was working with the monster who had assaulted her, or maybe it had happened with Peter killing all those people at Pinehearst. Either way, Gabriel wasn’t sure when it had happened. She didn’t talk to him, she refused to. She wasn’t here for anything other than information and- since he wouldn’t give it- she hardly said a word.

She was stirring now however, the wind from outside whispering through the dark strands of her hair. And something told him that the old Claire Bennet was never going to resurface, this one was stuck in a purgatory that he had dug for her, that her family had, she herself had. Another person failed, another person destroyed. Gabriel felt that weight too, as strongly as he felt anything else. He had stolen from her that intimate part of her brain that no one else had ever been and now he was stealing from her the sole revenge that she felt could make everything better for her.

Only he couldn’t give her Peter.

A tired moan fell from her lips that stirred something inside of him, that inner ache for her that had come alive so clearly whenever she was around. Even with all that hatred in her eyes. He crossed the room, careful not to wake her fully and climbed behind her on the bed. Propped up on one arm he used his free hand to take off his glasses, stranding them on the nightstand before turning his attention to Claire so close to him. He reached his hand out and trailed a careful touch over the flat surface of her stomach and there was something about the way she reacted to him that sent his senses in a flurry. Maybe he was containing his Hunger, or maybe he was releasing it in these few moments with her- unbridled and without containment. Maybe it was the way he leaned down towards her neck, his tongue running along the smooth skin and her fingers now gripping tight at the back of his hair. She never said his name as if she were trying to tell herself that it wasn’t him she was losing herself to. He wasn’t sure when this had happened- or how but all he knew was that he felt addicted, he felt like he wasn’t in control of himself whenever she was around. He wasn’t supposed to let her in here, not when Peter could come at any moment, not with his son in the other room and her death wish for them all lying just there on her tongue even as she turned around to face him, her mouth covering his and her warm body pressed there against his own.

“I have to go...” her voice came out so thick with sleep, with pleasure as his hand lowered along her side, trailing down to the soft skin of her thigh that his fingers sank into, wanting them open for him again if only to convince himself that there was a real reason for him breaking every boundary that Noah had given him before his death- his daughter, this was Bennet’s daughter. But Bennet was dead and even Claire knew it was his fault. 

He felt the sting of her smacking his hand before she slipped from him and he was left alone on his side of the side of the bed, staring at the ceiling. Elle used to sleep right here beside him, her arms encircling him, calming him when the Hunger grew too strong inside of him. He listened to Claire get dressed, whisper of fabric, whistle of a zipper before she was looking down at him again. Her eyes still glazed over and her dark hair a mess over her shoulder. She used one hand to steady herself beside his head as she leaned down, chest pressed so near to his own as she kissed him, her tongue working with his and seeking out that craving that had laid her bitterly here with him. She pulled back, not looking into his eyes but rather at the features of his face before finally standing up right again. 

“If you see Peter- let me know.” 

And then she was gone, and he knew that there was betrayal in both their bodies. He was betraying Peter every time he let her in here. Peter, Noah, Elle, himself- and she was betraying every thing that she had once felt sacred. Everything that she held onto now like a lifeline. They were in the middle of a war, Gabriel still that ever moving pawn and he had to wonder if there would ever be an end.


	2. Two

He hadn’t seen Peter for a few months, long months that left him worried about what he was getting himself into. There was always going to be that pang of worry, even if he wasn’t exactly his brother- there was still a bond that had managed to form there whether it was verbally spoken or not. Gabriel often felt like the two of them had been set on a specific path if only to end up right here with one another, hoping to find an end to the turmoil that had fallen on the world around them- as if the world could handle anymore of it in the thick of the things that had happened. They struggled, they hardly won a single battle but strength often out weighed victories and they pressed on. Peter more so than Gabriel, and for that he was extremely admirable.

Often times he felt like Peter was the man that he could have become had he allowed himself another road, another life. There could have been a whole other road that ran through different places, different hopes and different reasons. Two sides of the same heavy coin, scratched and battered, the silver remade over and over until it was just right, the way it was always supposed to be. It something reforged and that just made it sound like that they had been tested by fire, something that couldn’t be broken. That was a good thought for the fight that they were fighting.

The pan was hot when he touched it and he hissed lightly as he drew back. The reaction brought a small giggle from the other side of the room and Gabriel immediately turned towards the source of the sound, face brightening just a little after the turns of thinking that often came over him. Something about just looking at him, hearing his voice, his laugh gave him a sense of purpose, a sole reason for happiness. That was something he had gotten used to- something that he wasn’t about to simply let go of.

Noah had his mom’s smile, it was childlike and innocent and altogether the brightest thing he’d ever seen. He could remember resting his head on Elle’s chest during the first few weeks after she had found out that she was actually carrying his baby and listened to her tell him that their son wasn’t going to grow up the way that they had. He wasn’t going to be made into a weapon, he wasn’t going to be pushed to limits physically impossible for most people. He wasn’t going to have to strive and strive to be something special, he was always going to know that he was just what he was- perfect.

That was why Gabriel had decided not to tell his son about the abilities that he was born with- at least not yet. Later on, when things grew necessary, Gabriel figured he could let him know but he was hesitant. He knew what happened when power was presented to you, he knew what it was like when a need to be something more was instilled into the very core of your mind, becoming something that you really weren’t was the most dangerous thing that could ever happen to someone. It was death, the dying of the traces of humanity that were left over in you. Sometimes you couldn’t be pulled back. Gabriel was even surprised he had come back from the brink. Especially when he had gone down that coiled road for far too long, his hands stained through with blood as if he was the bringer of death himself. He had felt like the most special, the most powerful- only now he knew better. He knew that he wasn’t anything different, just another shade in an ever rooted plan.

.”Something funny?” He questioned his son, smile growing further on his lips as he turned his eyes down to the pan on the stove in front of him. The bacon was sizzling and the smoked smell was wafting up towards him. Normal. This was normal. He remembered Bennet telling him that he could try to obtain what he had not but The Company, his abilities, they were going to have to be stifled in order to truly become the man that his family needed to be. He had listened- but to what cost?

“Very.” Noah declared, hand holding a chunky crayon as he made a picture on the large piece of construction paper. Elle had wondered so many times if their son would be an artist, she liked art but only because of the colors. She was made up of colors, different shades bleeding into the other. Pain, sorrow, torture, anger, light, happiness- love. It was the most he had ever looked at in a person’s soul. She had been so broken and he had tried so hard to figure out the source of everything that had happened to her. She had held onto him, the night before her death, and whispered to him that he had fixed her.

But he couldn’t save her.

“That’s it, no bacon for you.” Gabriel warned as if he were serious but the pout that he got in turn from Noah was almost too much for him to deny everything. That was perhaps why that room back there was filled to the brim with everything a child could want. Nothing grayed out or dismal, nothing painful or burdened. Just color, so much of it that if Noah ever sank into any sort of gray area he could look in at everything around him and know that whatever happened this was where he belonged.

Beginning to plate the food he heard a knock on the door. It wasn’t Claire, she wouldn’t risk coming here in the day time, she wouldn’t allow anyone to follow her here. He had to ask himself sometimes if she did that for the sake of Pinehearst not finding out about her being here or if she did it for his safety, his son’s. Maybe she didn’t want Pinehearst to capture him, work on his changed mind and push him back into the cemented role of a monster all over again. But then that was hopeful thinking, a few nights of sex didn’t mean that she suddenly cared for the state of his mind. For the state of his son’s well being.

Throwing out any thoughts of Claire and the feel of her body beneath his own, the pushing and pulling and the cold look in her eyes whenever she looked at him. He couldn’t help the guilt that constantly plagued him whenever he looked at her. “Stay here, buddy.” he murmured before heading towards the front door and pulling it open only to find Peter standing there. Just the same as he had last seen him, scar there over his face, dark clothes and a down trodden expression wrecking his past hopefulness that had only extended, he was sure, as far as he allowed it to. 

“Peter, what are you doing here?” Gabriel asked, surprise flooding his tone as he reached out to take Peter into a close hug. He patted his back and then pulled back, looking into his eyes and attempting to figure out the reason that he was here. There was the burden of power and leadership flooding his eyes, something dark and tainted. The only thing was that Peter hadn’t asked for any of this. He didn’t ask to have to be the one to take down Pinehearst, he didn’t ask to disconnect himself from his mother and The Company. He didn’t ask to be the most wanted man in the states, much less the world. But there he was carrying the weight for all of them- for Noah.

“Hey...thought I’d drop in since I was in the area.” Peter was never just in the area. “Mind if I come in?”

Gabriel shook his head and held the door open further for him, glancing around outside before closing it up behind him. He hoped that Claire really had left or else this would be another confrontation and he’d have to hide Noah in his room upstairs if only to make sure that he didn’t end up mentally scarred by the images that he would end up seeing. Maybe he was partially coddling him but from the things that Gabriel had seen, he really couldn’t be bothered to do things any differently.

Following after Peter into the kitchen he watched a moment while he greeted Noah. His son was always fond of Peter, wondering what sort of strength that his ‘uncle’ carried. There was something that just emanated experiences from the depths of his eyes. Noah was smart, he knew that, he sensed it. Gabriel couldn’t help but wonder if Noah himself would end up being like that. He understood that there was only so long that he could keep him sheltered and with the way that the world was now- it was only a matter of time, wasn’t it?

It took a short moment to get everything situated. To get Noah eating and Gabriel cleaned up the small mess he’d made in the kitchen until he was finally with Peter in the living room while Noah played with his toys in the other room. Gabriel knew that something was on Peter’s mind, It was thick in the air and he sighed because of it. Days couldn’t go on peacefully, that wasn’t the way that things worked anymore, never would again. Everything was a struggle and Gabriel couldn’t really see a way out of that.

“What’s wrong?” Gabriel finally asked, brows furrowed slightly with interest.

Peter drew a long sigh, resting his head back, hand wiping over his face before turning his eyes to his friend. “Wish Arthur still believed you were his son.” He stated, a bit of forlorn in his tone.

“Why do you say that?” those had been the worst years hadn’t it? Striving so hard for Arthur’s acceptance, doing whatever he told him to simply because he called him Gabriel and allowed him to call him ‘dad’. He’d always known that he wasn’t a Petrelli, didn’t he? Some part of himself that just allowed the deceit because of how badly he needed for it to be true. An actual family, one that would accept him as he was. Bennet had told him that just because Sandra and Claire and Lyle didn’t accept him, Gabriel still had it in him. 

“Because it would make sense for you to waltz in there and try to see him. Now we’re screwed.” Pressure built up on his face and frustration came out in a stream of a heavy sigh.

“What do you need in Pinehearst?” He hoped not another explosive set- last time it’d killed so many people and Peter had hidden here, weight of those deaths hanging on his head. He’d dealt with so much over the years.

What would he think if he found out about Claire?

“We have pretty good intel that puts Arthur at the building here- he’s not technically there, no one ever knows where he is. But he’s here for a few days and-” a pause. A pause burdened with uncertainty, strong hesitance and finally misery. This was Peter’s father and he knew the place that he had to be in. “-I need to kill him.”

Gabriel nodded because without a king what would the kingdom do? But then there was Nathan who sat in the president’s seat and then there was the actual population where abilities were spreading more and more. Wouldn’t it a be cycle that couldn’t be stopped?

“Noah.” Peter said it like a bright idea and Gabriel looked at him with confusion, snapping out of his thoughts. “You found out about Noah’s abilities and you don’t want him to become like you used to be.”

Gabriel understood where this was going and he was already more than hesitant. “You’re not serious, are you?” Bring his son to Arthur? Walk into that building and pretend that he was there under peace? Put Noah at the center of a raging war?

“It’s what Elle would do.” And Peter’s vocie was small, under his breath, obviously unsure if he had overstepped a boundary.

Gabriel looked at Noah, playing with his toy set of robots and a heavy breath came from him. Peter was right, Elle would allow it. If it meant to step this cycle in its tracks and give their son a brighter future? She would allow it, wouldn’t she?

“Give me a few days.”


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { OH I noticed that in the last chapter. I accidentally put that Peter wished Arthur still thought Gabriel was his son- *facepalm* - totally meant to put that Peter wished Arthur still believed that Gabriel believed he was still his son. SORRY }

And he did get those few days. Long winded days that left Gabriel exhausted from thinking of possible and very real ways that this could go wrong. They could take Noah right from him, could snatch him from the protective roof of his home and make it so that he never even existed. They could take Gabriel himself, work on his mind, find the spot that made him so much more different than the other Specials they had managed to recruit. He didn’t want to be a tool anymore. He didn’t want to look into his own eyes and see the world the way that he used to. All those shadowed thoughts and darkened memories. They were there, just on the precipice and if he stepped a single step further he would fall over and death would be his imminent catcher. 

But this was necessary. Peter had stressed that. It could give them an opportunity to kill Arthur and that would be one step in a very right and real direction. The kind of step that said that Pinehearst didn’t always have to be in control. That they could crumble it up from the inside and, maybe, that would release a few minds from the control that said this was the only real and right way. It could work out differently, the rebellion could easily take a heavy hit and death could fall onto them and everything- all of the work and all of the hiding- would mean nothing.

He wasn’t sure when the last time was that he had thought this clearly over something. His former tactics were usually more of the bloodied type. Go in, kill, take and leave. Simple as that. It was easier that way, only himself to think about, only his own life relying on his shoulders. Yet now there was so much riding on his ability to do this the right way. And the right way meant not being able to tap into his abilities because doing so would only bring his Hunger to the forefront and he wasn’t sure he could handle that all over again.

There wasn’t an exact moment that he could pinpoint when things had changed for him but all that he remembers as the culmination point was after being teleported to that beach in Costa Verde and trying to rummage through the lies, the possibilities of lies and then Peter being there. Peter with the Haitian, telling him that they had to kill Arthur. It had been a long time since them and the bitter wound of knowing that he wasn’t a Petrelli, that his family was not what he had hoped for, was still there- open and permanent.

Finding out that he wasn’t special, he was just another monster. But he had tamed himself. And now he was being tested.

Heavily sighing at his own thoughts he rose up from the couch in the living room and switched off the TV that played repetitive stories of news reports from across the country over and over again. Specials were being rounded up. That should have been the confirmation he needed in doing this. That should have given him the final answer- that this was the right thing to do. Only he knew that it wasn’t just about everyone else. He had promised his son, no matter how small he was, that he was always going to keep him safe. And now he was being faced with the possibility of throwing all of this away because of the rebellion? What was more important? His son? Or thousands of lives depending on his ability to go through with this? He didn’t have much time. Peter would be here tomorrow and he would have to go through the plan with him, he would have to make up his mind completely. There was no more room for hesitance. Or he could withdraw. Would Peter even understand were he to do that? 

Picking up the small toys from the ground near the single arm chair he carried them over to the office. Noah’s office. He could still see traces of him in here and he could only wonder how in the world things had turned out the way that they had. To think that during those days himself and Elle had been one of the closest people to Bennet was beyond confusing. He couldn’t understand it but it had been a comfort. Noah taking on a sort of paternal figure to him when he needed it most, it hadn’t been fitting and most were confused by it but Gabriel had taken comfort in the fact that Noah had seen his darkest shadows and had still treated him like a human being. That’s what he was, wasn’t it? Monster or not?

“My dad was always in here.”

Claire’s voice made him jump as the toys he’d been carrying fell from his hands. He turned around straight away and saw her leaning against the opened doors with an almost thoughtful look written across her features. She never asked to come in and Gabriel figured that had to do with her attempts to catch him off guard, make sure that he wasn’t conspiring in some way. But right now she looked different. Her eyes were sad, her hair was loosely tied back and her clothes were far more casual than anything he’d seen her wear ever since she’d been with Pinehearst, becoming one of their strongest and most reliable agents. It was like she had decided on this visit last minute. He didn’t want to disrupt that. Maybe she had simply come here to soak into the atmosphere.

“Always on his computer.” Her eyes flicked to the area where his computer had once been. She remembered the glint of dim light in his lens’, the quiet hush of private phone calls, the smiles he would give her when she would come back from a game. “I always wondered why a paper salesman had to do so much work for his company. Guess now I know.” She scoffed a little and shook her head and she truly did sound betrayed. The memories had gotten to her tonight.

He swallowed down thickly and situated the toys, turning his back on her for a moment, listening to the sound of her breathing, feeling her presence sharply behind him. Her eyes were on him, he could feel that like a sting along his skin. It really was something that he had never expected to become used to, her so calmly standing across from him, just watching him as if she were attempting to figure him out. Or maybe she was trying to unlock ways to set him off again. That was the ultimate goal, wasn’t it? To get him to start killing again? What would everyone rave about her then if she were to be able to accomplish that? Finally he turned to face her, hands empty now and he noted that she hadn’t even moved. 

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s my house.” She forced out, brows knitting together but her tone lacked any sort of conviction. Usually she was all fire and brimstone, usually she tore right through him and demanded his arousal to set off whatever darkness was inside of him. Sinking of her teeth into his skin, nails raking down his back. Anything to garner a violent reaction. Did she report that? That certain times he grew more aggressive? Or did she keep that information for when she really needed it?

But now she was moving towards him and her eyes were remained locked on his. She wasn’t the same like she had been just the other night when she had been here, deflecting every motion he made and distancing herself more than usual. No, she was breaking for a brief moment. Small cracks at the smaller edges. She looked like she was burning from the inside and when she lifted one of her hands, her fingers pressing to his lips he lost every train of thought at the way she was treating him. Her eyes closed when he pressed a mere kiss to her fingers, her lashes touching to the skin of her face, her lips parting to allow a breath to pass. He lifted one of his own hands and set it on the small of her back, pressing her close against him. Her body fitted there so easily, forming against him and refusing to unlock. Leaning down he trailed his lips along her shoulder, her head turning to the side slightly so that he could. 

It was strange movements that flowed between them. Her allowing him this sort of lead, her hands on his waist, fingers digging gently into his skin and soft sighs coming from her lips with each touch of his lips. But just as it started she stopped it, her hand sliding up to his chest and gently pushing at him. He looked at her startled until she pushed again and his legs hit the couch and he dropped down onto the cushion. She stared down at him, her eyes fixated on his, on his lips, the fall of his hair. Her hands lowered to the fly of her jeans, slowly unzipping them and sliding them off her legs. He drew in a breath and her eyes flicked up to his briefly before she moved towards him, all too quickly straddling his lap. 

Her hands ran up his chest as she ground her hips down against his arousal. He let out a small groan, his eyes closing briefly as his hands ran up the back of her shirt, she didn’t let him take it off even as he crept his hands up her stomach, fingers brushing over her breasts, finding her braless was a much a surprise as her sudden visit. She let out a small groan when he brushed over one of her nipples, the peaked bud forming between his fingertips. He leaned towards her, mouth closing over the same nipple through her shirt and her head tipped back some. She gripped him and he gripped her back, his hand coming between them and her lifting slightly to give him access to her as he moved past the thin underwear she wore. A moan, louder than before, fell from her and she fell against him, savoring the way he worked her, hands expertly finding every part of her and she rocked against his hand. Her eyes opened briefly and unlike the other times she met his eyes, her lips glistening and her breaths slightly ragged. Her hand moved up the back of his neck and her fingers curled into the strands of his hair. She didn’t break eye contact even as she moved his hand from inside of her and worked on releasing him, her hands deftly slipping down the band of the pants and boxers he was wearing until he was in her hands and his head fell back against the cushion with a low moan of her name. She guided him inside of her and adjust briefly before she started to move.

It was almost violent the way that she moved against him, the sounds coming from her brutal and without much muffling. She said his name over and over but it was never Gabriel, it was never his real name but it was always Sylar. That ancient name that held so much weight. It made him angry ad he gripped her, hands reaching for her hair as he pulled her back to reach her throat, lips running over the soft skin there, his tongue making lines in the dips of her shoulders and his teeth making marks that soon disappeared as quickly as the indentations from her nails did on his own skin. 

She came loud with a shuddering moan and his grip on her tightened just as his release came as well. She rested against him briefly, in time for her to catch her breathing, make the speed of her pulse steady. His head was resting back and he was full of her, her smell, the feel of her surrounding him and he thought that this was the first time she had remained this close to him ever since this had started. But the name Sylar came to him over and over and he remembered going into her home, pinning her to the wall and cutting open her head, taking that ability that he had always needed, coveted. And then leaving her, just like that. He saw all that blood, those dead faces and then his dad. Like father, like son.

Before he could stop her she was getting up, leaving him cold and weakened by her as his eyes followed her. He reached down to almost mechanically to tuck himself away, wanting to go upstairs with her, head into that shower and let the water rinse away anything they needed it to all the while keeping her close. But that was asking far too much, wasn’t it?

Leaning forward with a sigh he rested his elbows on his knees and buried his hands in his hair before looking up and watching her finish off the zipper of her jeans.

“Peter was here.” She stated, without looking at her, untying her hair and running her fingers back through it.

He knew that she knew, she always knew but she also always late. But he wasn’t going to mention that. He knew a way in, he knew what he had to do and this, right here, could be a ticket in.

Clearing his throat he rose to his feet and approached her. She looked up at him a little surprised. “I need to see Arthur.” 

Her face twisted into confusion at his words. “Why?”

“it’s Noah.” he answered simply, lowering his eyes. “I need his help.”

It was silent for a long while. She was no doubt attempting to determine whether he was telling the truth or not. Finally she sighed and dropped her arms to her side. “Fine.” There was a glint in her eyes. Maybe this would be her break. What was she striving for? Acceptance? He knew the weight of that all too well. “Pack his things.”

He waited on her words, holding his breath as he did because he didn’t want to do this, he almost couldn’t bear to. This was an easy way in, it was the only way in. It also showed that he didn’t trust Peter, he was going straight to Arthur for help.

“We’re going to Pinehearst. Come on.”And she moved out of the office to wait for him while he gathered his son.


	4. Four

Noah had quietly opened his eyes to the sound of Gabriel’s voice, a small wondering what was going on. Looking at his son’s face and knowing that he was throwing him into the line of fire was creating a clenching feeling of anxiety to overtake him. He was just a little boy, clutching onto the idea that he was safe here, not knowing anything about who he was, what he could do or what the world outside was like. The warring, the fear, the people out there that enjoyed playing God and refused to admit when they had gotten something wrong.

Of course Gabriel had let his son know what he could do. He told him everyday that he was special, that no matter what he did- simple or otherwise- it would be enough. He wanted him to grow up to be what he wanted to be. Not a product of overreaching. Not a product of attempting to live up and up until the bar came crashing down. Sure, Gabriel took responsibility. But there were some things that he couldn’t bring himself to let go of. There were somethings that refused to part from his already overcrowded mind.

The one thing he never let his son know about was his own identity. There were things that he couldn’t taint him with. He couldn’t risk the idea that his son might hate him were he to ever know the truth about who he was exactly. Shades of the past always haunting his every step. A killer, a monster, something that everyone feared. Something he was reminded of all the time. Every look in the mirror, every time he let himself dream. Every time that his hands ran over Claire’s body.

The memory was always there at the forefront of Claire’s mind whenever he touched her, mixed in with the recent things. Water hitting her skin, clothes sliding over her body. And him, feeling and seeing the memories she had. It was like she always thought of it whenever she let him near, like she was still partially afraid of him and this was her way of dealing with it, this was her way of growing numb to the memory, to the present, as if she were willing him to be Sylar again- for one reason or another. One thing that surprised him more than anything was that he never got glimpses of other men. Only him and that sent his mind into a tailspin.

But he didn’t let himself dwell too long on that. He focused on getting the zipper to Noah’s jacket zipped. It was cold out, he could feel it like a chill coming right off of the window panes. The world outside was always cold and he was always bitterly dwelling it. Elle used to like the cold, letting the softness of her skin run over with goosebumps and she’d laugh softly whenever he insisted on her wearing a blanket. 

Trying not to think of what Elle would think of what he was doing now he topped Noah off with a hat before lifting him up into his arms, letting him rest on his hip. Tiredly, he rested his head on Gabriel’s shoulder and he softly yawned. It was late, he usually wasn’t up for another few hours. He could feel his heart beat softly against his own chest and he wanted to call it off, go and tell Claire that he wasn’t going through with it- that she shouldn’t come back.

But for the sake of everything- didn’t he have to?

Stepping out where Claire was they locked eyes and her attention diverted to the boy in his arms. It was like she hadn’t actually expected to see him there. Small thing as he was, his eyes closed and his lips parted slightly as he had fallen back into a light sleep. He groaned softly as Gabriel set him down so that he could get his own jacket and grab his keys as well and that’s when she tore her eyes away.

“Should I drive?” He questioned her without really looking at her, adjusting his jacket and dropping his keys into the pocket before he turned to Noah and, again, lifted him up in his arms. He fit there so easily and he couldn’t help but remember when he was born, Noah telling Elle to push and all that pain she went through gone so quickly when she had taken Gabriel’s hand. And then seeing Elle and his son together- their son. The image was painful to conjure. 

He wondered if Claire was angry because of that. Because Noah hadn’t agreed to her decision in helping Pinehearst, Nathan or not, he had claimed it wasn’t the right thing. They had ended up on opposite sides for so long. Noah shifting more towards Peter and when Gabriel found himself on that side as well they grew close. Of course it had taken a long time and he had mourned the loss of his daughter, the most important part of his life and although he had showered care on Elle it wasn’t the same for him. Never would be. Gabriel should have sent him to go look for her- but he never did. Another list to make of things that should be done but never had been. 

Claire nodded, shifting from one foot to the other, not looking at him. “It’s probably best. They’ll expect you.” she stated before she looked back at Noah, her brows knitted curiously and she looked like she was about to step forward but she stopped herself and instead turned on her heel and headed towards the door, opening it carefully and stepping out.

Gabriel followed after her and pulled the door closed with his free hand. He opened up the garage and Noah shifted some in his arms. He made sure he settled before heading inside and tucking Noah into the backseat in his seat, buckling him in and lightly stroking his hair. He stared at him a minute, making a possibly unnecessary prayer that Noah wouldn’t get hurt, that he wouldn’t have to use his abilities and let him see just what it was that he was capable of. He didn’t want that. Drawing his hand back he closed the door and then slipped into the driver’s seat.

Neither of them said anything as he started the car and headed out onto the street. They said barely anything even as they drove towards the main facility in California. Pinehearst, it was the biggest place in the world what with the President even backing them. Safely it was the main place to get your ability, one dose and you’d be set for life. Special for life. Gabriel couldn’t help but wonder if it was human race’s innate desire to be special, to be different that drove this. Much like him.

Chancing a look over at her he noted that her eyes were watching the images outside her window, green eyes faint in the shadows. Her lips were very slightly parted and she looked nothing as she had just moments earlier in his living room, worked up and breathing heavily against him. Coldly sealed into this tomb of an agent, he wanted to know what it would take to break through that- was there even a way to? Peter had said he tried and if Peter couldn’t get through to her, of all people, who could?

“Are you sure you want to do this?” She questioned suddenly, facing him now once his eyes were back out on the road. The shadows were playing on her face and she looked mildly concerned somehow. He blamed it on the lights, on his own hopefulness. She couldn’t be concerned for him, she couldn’t be wondering this as if there were worried thoughts running through his mind. But then her eyes flickered back to Noah and Gabriel understood. The boy was innocent, even to her.

Taking in a breath he tightened his hold on the wheel and let his gaze turn to her briefly. “No.” he answered with a small shake of his head, taking a left to get off the freeway. They were close. ‘But what other choice do I have? I have to do this.” Of course he didn’t tell her that he was doing this for Peter. That he was the reason he was going through all of this trouble- for Peter and their kind. The ones that fought oppression and rose up against the downpour of attacks.

Her eyes steadied on him. Sweeping over his features, the stubbled line of jaw, the look in his eyes behind his glasses. His hair had fallen onto his forehead and she reached her hand out, fingertips lightly brushing it back before she withdrew and settled back into her seat, as if it hadn’t happened at all. “Nothing will happen to him.” She assured him, looking out the window, fingers pressed into her palm in her lap. Her brows lightly furrowed as she stared out at the expanse of night outside of it. Her hand finally relaxed.

“And what about me?” he wondered aloud, trying to swallow down the effects of her soft touch. It had been startling. She hadn’t ever been gentle with him and even when he attempted it during the nights that she came over she flipped it over and changed the pace to her own liking. It was always a push with her. You push her towards the corner of giving herself over and like hell she wasn’t going to get to push back- somehow. “Is anything going to happen to me?” and he sounded somewhat betrayed when he spoke.

“I’m not promising anything.” She answered just as the Pinehearst building came into sights. She straightened herself and hid her hand that had touched his underneath one of her legs. But soon she reached into her jacket and pulled out her gun, cocking the trigger and then turning to glance at him. No sudden touches or no other words. Just her and her gun sitting beside of him. He wondered how much trouble he had gotten himself into but he negated the thought seeing as she didn’t threaten him. Keeping up appearances.

They gave them clearance seeing as they noticed Claire, not to mention that she had her gun on her. She made to turn to him, to tell him something anything that might make it all easier for them. Noah had to be in good hands. Gabriel didn’t trust anyone- especially not when he was talking about Arthur. There was only so much one could place near his hands and make sure that they weren’t entirely swallowed up. Arthur could steal your abilities but it seemed like he could also twist and mangle your soul. Was that what he had done to Claire?

Gabriel turned his eyes to the windshield and saw Arthur standing there in front of the building. Claire was confused, as was he. But, still, they both got out onto the street and Gabriel went to get Noah, small head falling against his shoulder. His hand smoothed circles onto his back as he stepped closer. Claire was already standing in front of him and Gabriel soon joined her. His head tilted some and Noah stirred. He remembered that he had to pretend still that this was his father- even after everything.

“Gabriel, I’m so glad you could make it.” Arthur began, hands wide enough for them. “I’ve been waiting for you.”


	5. Five

They were led into the building. Pinehearst, this building was much like he remembered the base building that had exploded. The reason for Claire’s hatred towards Peter. All those people dead in a single blast. Gabriel was unsure just what to think of everything that had happened, was unsure whether Claire had clearance to be right in her anger towards the explosion. But war had been declared and war had been brought. That couldn’t possibly be Peter’s fault, not everything was allowed to be thrown into his lap like held the reins to make everything happen.

No. It was Arthur who held the reins. As if he were god himself. Peter had stories of him sometimes, when he was feeling particularly nostalgic. Those times when he wasn’t the rebel freedom fighter but Gabriel’s lone friend. The stories were distant and cold, lost and foreign and they left Peter slightly scoffing at the idea that he had ever once held the man in such high regard. Arthur had never given Peter the respect he deserved, never gave him the honor of loving him like father’s should do- Peter grew stronger because of it Gabriel supposed.

And then there was the internal struggle of Gabriel’s own feelings towards all of this, towards the past. If these had been his parents and The Company had kept an eye on him why hadn’t either Arthur or Angela ever come from him? Why give him up? Why set him loose on the world? Let him become the monster they knew he would be- or had that been the catalyst in one of Angela’s fated dreams? When the beast rears its head everything is slowly being set into motion.

He had believed for a beat that Arthur was his father and he had tried so hard to be the son he wanted. That man that would do anything if only for a look of approval. Was that what Peter felt his entire life? Living in the shadow of Nathan’s family tied success? Living in the shadow of Arthur, the behemoth of a man that controlled people as if they were mere pieces on a chess board. Peter was planning, plotting, devising and soon enough this building was going to come down as well. Gabriel hoped, in some way, that Arthur would be in it when it was.

His eyes turned to Claire however and he wondered if she would be in it as well. A lone girl rising from ash and death to see that everyone she knew was dead- again. The anger would just swell further inside of her and no one would be able to quell it until Peter was dead, until revenge was taken- and at her hand. She wanted to see the death, she wanted to know what it felt like to take revenge, to make sure death remained where it had simply faded so many times in the past.

She seemed to sense that his eyes were on her and she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, he caught it. He sometimes found her watching him too much for her to want to admit it. So many times her eyes trailed over his features and sometimes when he was sleeping he felt her much nearer than she would ever be caught being. He wasn’t sure what it was, why she chose to do it without him knowing- but one day, however cruel, he hoped that she would simply break. She looked away now though quicker than he would have liked.

Finally Arthur led them straight to his office and he turned to Gabriel with a knowing look in his eyes as he looked over at the boy laying limp on his shoulder. “the boy...there are rooms where he can rest.” Gabriel knew, he had been in one of them before. “Claire, please take the boy off to sleep and then come back there are still things to discuss.” His eyes bored down into hers as if he were tempting her to just argue with him and- of course she didn’t.

Dutifully she turned to Gabriel and almost awkwardly held her arms open for the boy. She didn’t look into Gabriel’s eyes as she did either. But her hold was surprisingly gentle as she tried not to be overwhelmed by his size over her small frame. She smoothed his hair when he stirred and she tossed a glare towards Arthur before starting away down the hall to the right that Arthur had dubbed the dormitories the first few times Gabriel had been here when he had thought- stupidly- that he had been a Petrelli.

“I’ll call you, Claire.’ he called out to her, not paying mind to the obvious stiffness of the way that she was walking. She was furious, she hated taking orders. But Arthur didn’t care very much as he gestured towards his own office with a small wave of his hand, eyes looking to Gabriel expectantly. The look in his eyes was almost demanding, like he would force him inside if he didn’t come with him now. There was only so little that Arthur would be able to take if he were pressed the wrong way.

Gabriel nodded and slipped inside the office and stood in the middle of the room. The clock on the wall was running two minutes behind and he tried not to focus on the sound of it. He looked around, the office was bare. This wasn’t his usual headquarters. Was he even supposed to be here tonight? Had this been one entire and elaborate plan to get Gabriel here? But what would they possibly want with him? If they thought that he was even going to give up Peter then they were highly and greatly mistaken.

He listened to Arthur move about before he finally sat on the other side of the heavy wood desk and gestured for Gabriel to sit down as well. His hands folded on the surface and his eyes observed the man in front of him. He looked uncertain what to make of Gabriel’s appearance. He wasn’t the serial killer that he had wanted to use anymore and the expectations fell from Arthur’s eyes. He had wanted promises of murder and possible death threats to anyone that stood in the way. 

“Gabriel, it’s been awhile, son. When Peter left I didn’t think I would be losing you too.” his tone was contemplative as if that were the right thing for him to say. As if it were a surprise that he hadn’t sided with Arthur during all of this. The war, the deaths, the manhunt for Peter. Nothing about this situation was rolling in Arthur’s favor and Gabriel wasn’t sure if that was betrayal that marked Arthur’s features when he looked at him now. Either way this visit wasn’t real in itself.

“I’m not here for catch up.” Gabriel practically said between his teeth, his brows furrowing with his internal anger. He could feel the energy seething up inside of him, winded, long, bitter and vengeful. He was scared, his hands were giving a slight tremble. What if something happened to Noah while he was in here having a meeting with Petrelli boss himself? He could kill Arthur now, couldn’t he? He could attempt it. No one even knew how he was alive, no one even knew what abilities he had, the process of taking them for him far too easy.

“Oh I figured. You’re here about your son, Noah. Beautiful boy, he’s got a lot from Elle doesn’t he?” And there was a slightly challenging tone to his voice while he spoke. A lot from Elle, the ability to be tested and put through the ringer to see just what he had within that DNA of his. It had to be somewhere inside of him. Gabriel knew he could regenerate but telling Arthur that now would only sink the plan he had hastily made in his head. Whatever it was.

Gabriel’s hands tightened on the other and he struggled past whatever else he was meaning to really say. He wanted to get up, throw Arthur against the wall and head out, lighting the place up in his wake. But he knew that there were things here that Peter could use. Data on other Specials that were being watched and hunted. He wanted to help and by doing so he had put Noah in the center of the danger. No, he was fine, Claire was with him. She wouldn’t do anything to a child. What would Elle think of his plan?

“Something’s wrong with him.” He muttered simply, in spite of the anger creasing his brows, in spite of his inability to quiet down the rage flooding him. He was surprised the Haitian hadn’t been brought in. He was surprised he had yet to last out yet. His eyes were boring straight into Arthur’s and there was so much about this man that he hated, so much that he confused him. The inner workings of the mind of a mad genius. How could he have ever wanted his love?

“Let’s go see, shall we?” Arthur questioned, rising from his chair not acknowledging the curious look across Gabriel’s features. He crossed the room again and headed out the door, breaking the face of a meeting between father and son. Something was thick in the air. Something wasn’t going as planned and Gabriel could feel it clawing straight into the dire sinking feeling of his soul. He screwed up, he could feel it straight down inside of him. He had screwed up so badly.

Still he followed behind him, his heart raging in his chest, the current of electricity going nearly uncontrollable in his veins as he trailed in the man’s steps. His mind was a clutter of thoughts and his anger was seething behind his skin. He wouldn’t a have been able to hold back so easily before. If this was what anyone would easily. It felt like a scorching stretching running underneath his veins, molding and shaping him until panic rose up and eclipsed there inside of him. The repeated words that he had messed up. Messed up again and again.

Doors were pushed open and they were joined by a separate pair of footsteps. Gabriel didn’t look back, he didn’t have to to know that it was The Haitian trailing behind him. He could his uncontrollable surge of abilities being replaced by a mere blind rage that boiled and seared right underneath his skin. His jaw tightened, it ached there set deep in his chest as the final double doors were pushed open. He saw Claire, she didn’t look at him. Something was wrong with her, her expression darkened- if that was possible- her eyes were down turned, her jaw heavily set. He turned away and walked in the same steps that Arthur did as he led him to step in front of the glass that looked into a room. Mohinder was inside, back turned towards them. And there was his son, laying strapped to a table, sedated more than likely. So small, too small for the leather gurney he was on. He stepped forward, prepared to break the glass but he noted the look that Arthur gave, the short nod and then the heavy feeling hitting the back of his head and blackness came to descend over him, blinding the rage and quieting his unrelenting conscience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are errors please please let me know!


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